ÍøÆØÃÅ

The following Christmas entertainment is being advertised in the corridors of lecturers' union Natfhe: "Andrew Adonis Productions in association with Mandy Partners proudly presents The Top-up Fees Xmas panto, starring Charles 'the persuader' Clarke as the Man with No Shame and including those age-old favourites - Bambi Blair singing 'If I go down, so will you', the Russell Group Chorus performing 'Fees release us, let us go'

and a guest appearance by Ian 'the Prof' Gibson singing 'I got those backbench blues'. Most proceeds from this performance go to the better off."